B is for Brayton

B is for Brayton
We love you, sweet baby B.

As Aimee's friend, and as a mom of a 3 year old myself, it is just unimaginable that this precious child is no longer with us here on earth.  

Over the past four years we have journeyed with Brayton and his mom - since before he was even born. A group of moms united first by due dates and then forever by a precious baby boy, Brayton Lester, who was born with Tracheoesophageal Fistula and Esophogeal Atresia - a birth defect of the esophagus which is not properly connected, and where the trachea & esophagus are abnormally connected. Brayton spent over 9 months of his first year of life in the NICU at a hospital that was located a 5 hour drive away from his home.  We rejoiced when he was finally able to go home with his parents and we celebrated his ups and held our breath and prayed and rallied behind him each time he became ill and was hospitalized thereafter.  

In the Spring of 2010, just before Brayton's and Cooper's 2nd birthdays (they were born just 9 days apart), I had the honor of briefly uniting my family with Brayton's, in person, during our family vacation as we passed through their hometown and stopped there for a meal so we could finally meet Aimee, Brayton, and the rest of their beautiful family.  I had just finished treatment for breast cancer and Brayton was doing pretty well at home too considering the ups and downs he continued to experience.  I will never forget sitting there, in a restaurant, watching Cooper and Brayton smile and touch hands and thinking how utterly amazing it was to witness so many miracles in one place.

I watched Brayton and Cooper interacting and imagined them getting together each year for a visit as they grew up, knowing and trusting that Brayton would continue to beat the odds and overcome his health challenges. I never imagined he wouldn't get to be around for his 4th birthday. I never imagined that this would be our one and only play date these boys would experience together on earth.

This past July, Brayton became ill and was again admitted to the hospital. After a hard-fought battle, Brayton's little body could no longer sustain the damage from the complications of his illness and surgery. On August 28, 2011 at 11:30 pm PT, Brayton went home to Jesus. 

Along with so many others, I am heartbroken for Aimee and her family. It is so upsetting to see them go through this after everything they've already been through the past three years.  But I am also comforted knowing that Brayton is no longer in pain or broken in any way now that he is with God.  It is my hope and prayer that Aimee and her family can also find comfort and peace, if not now then eventually. I will be keeping them in my prayers and hope that if you pray that you will include them in your prayers too. 

The past few days have been a roller-coaster of emotions for everyone who knows Aimee and Brayton. Mostly sorrow and grief, but also some glimpses of hope as we imagine B in Heaven where there is no pain or sadness - where he can feast like he never had a chance to do so on earth - and where he can watch over his mom and dad and his sisters, and his "Firecracker" buddies (the kids in the play group that connected us are known as "firecrackers").

At about the time that B was returning to God's kingdom on Sunday, I was the only person awake in my house and I had already begun to mentally prepare myself that B probably wouldn't make it through the night based on the details of the last updates Aimee had shared with us -but I was not yet aware that the time had come. I was reflecting on how he has touched our lives, thinking about how unbearable the mere THOUGHT of losing my son is and how Aimee must be in the most unimaginable state of mind. I sobbed, and I prayed. I begged God to cradle them both in His love and light and to help them through this awful time. And when I caught my breath and was able to steady myself on my feet again, I went into Cooper's room and picked him up and brought him to bed with me.  As soon as I laid him on the bed my cell phone lit up with a text message relaying the unfathomable.

I didn't sleep much at all that night and Cooper tossed and turned in my bed between Bob and me like he was dreaming he was running or bouncing or something. He didn't make a sound, just constant movement which is not like him but I thought nothing of it other than we were all crammed in the bed together.  The next night, during bed time prayers, I had a sweet conversation with Cooper about Brayton. For months now, Cooper has named Brayton in his bed time prayers ("God, make Brayton better", he would ask) and last night instead of the usual prayer for Brayton I guided Cooper through a new prayer for him, asking God to show Brayton a fun life in Heaven and to comfort Brayton's mommy, daddy and sisters. Afterward, I laid there and stared at him. He gazed back at me with an amazing look of sympathy and a smile.  I asked him if he remembered Brayton. He smiled and nodded although I doubted that he actually did.  Then, unplanned, I asked if he had seen Brayton was, or what he was doing, and Cooper said "he was sad and now he's happy!"  I truly wasn't expecting to receive an answer like that but it made me smile and also made me cry. Cooper wiped a tear off my cheek and said "it's ok mommy." and we said good night and I left the room.   

I don' know why God wanted or needed Brayton to go home at such a young age, but I do know is this - Brayton's life on earth was too short for our liking but in his three years he touched more people and reminded us all to no take life for granted - that this life is short and every moment counts and ought to be cherished.

God has a purpose for each of us, whether we come to know what it is while we're here or not. Life on earth is a roller coaster ride with ups and downs, joys and tragedies, filled with opportunities to connect, relate, learn and earn, until we go Home and receive the final reward.  I'm in no hurry to get there, but I trust it's a better place than here and I hold onto that belief tightly in times like this.

I love you, Aimee, and wish I could take away your pain. I will never ever forget that B is for Brayton, and always will be.

Blog readers - Aimee's family faces not just the immense grief over the loss of this precious child, but financial devastation from medical and other bills that have piled up while Brayton required round the clock care for the past three years. Aimee is a single mom with two young daughters, also taking care of her younger sister. She could use our help. If you could spare a few bucks, I would be forever grateful. You may help by clicking here. Thank you so much. God bless you!

Love and blessings,

Julie