Thursday, January 22, 2009
I love him so much
I've always loved him. It's been so challenging and exhausting these first several months with the colic, the reflux, the aspiration and two cases of pneumonia, the multiple viruses that always took a month or more for him to recover from, and the sleep difficulties - all of these things have kept me on alert 24/7 like a guard, or a nurse - because I love him. But these challenges have kept me from feeling the type of overwhelming intense feelings of love that I hear so many moms talk about and that has really worried me many times, making me think there might be something wrong with me - that maybe I didn't love him enough. Tonight something changed that. He's asleep on me while I watch TV and get caught up on emails and suddenly I felt it - the most intense wave of love along with an immense fear that something could hurt him or take him from me someday. I've been crying for an hour. I'm so grateful to God, to all the doctors past and present, and to Bob for giving me this most precious gift of my life. I just love him so very much.
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9 comments:
I am so happy that you feel this because being a mother is pretty much the most amazing experience. It has given me a much better appreciation for my mother and has made me realize how much she loves me.. not that I ever doubted she did, but I never knew how much!
I can relate TOTALLY to this post. Thank you for being so honest. My husband and I had a conversation just last night about this same thing. It's so hard to deal with all this reflux and worry, but I care and worry so much because I DO love him intensely. It just seems, amidst all the worry and mess, I don't have time to think/feel deeply about it all--and when I try, I get distracted by all the worry--and then I wonder why I don't have those feelings that other moms talk about.
I'm glad you felt that last night! Take care, Julie!
Your life will never be the same. It is no longer about you, but about Cooper and any brothers and sisters he might have. With that intense love comes the intense fear of loss - no one can ever understand it until you become a mother and love that deeply. Maybe now some things about me make more sense to you. Love always, Mom
That's so wonderful to hear! I'm glad you were able to have that moment with Cooper. Its easy to get caught up in the worrying, doctors appts, watching for different signs/symptoms. But just remember that you are the BEST mother Cooper could ever have. I have to agree with what your mom said, there is no way to know the love of a mother until you are a mother.
Yup, you said it... there isn't really anything much stronger than a mother's love for her child. It's intense!
>:D<
Hey Julie - As a follower of your blog, I can say that I think you've been through a ton the past months with your baby plus the bedrest. It would send a normal person over the edge, you are incredibly resiliant and positive. Enjoy your son!
Reading this blog has left me teary-eyed, Julie. I know from exactly where you are coming. It IS a love like no other...
Awwww, that is a sweet story! What I have learned over the years with my brood of children is that although you love them all of the time, you "like" meter fluctuates. So during times while they are hard to handle (like you have had), just remember your likable meter is down but you still love them more then life itself.
P.S. I can't figure out where to subscribe to your blog?! Any ideas?
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