It's not fair! (warning: whining ahead) - oh, and VOTE today!

Remember all that celebrating when Cooper slept through the night - twice!? Yeah, well that was a tease because he hasn't done it since. In fact, his night time sleeping pattern since then has been worse than it was before he slept through the night. Now he's sleeping 2-3 hours max at first and then getting up every 60-90 minutes to cry about gas, hunger, wet diaper, whatever he can cry about he's crying about it and keeping me up all night long. It totally sucks and the timing couldn't be worse with me returning to work this Thursday.

We also figured out that even if I'm standing at the daycare center door when they open (6:30 am) and get him checked in and dropped off quickly, I will not make it to the 6:48 am train. I've tested it 2 days in a row and it's impossible due to local traffic and the fact that the train reserves the right to (and often does, in my experience) arrive up to 5 minutes earlier than the published time. Last year this would have been doable but since gas prices rose during the summer, the number of train riders has more than doubled. In fact, during my two test runs these past two days, the parking lot was already full by 6:45 am. That means that since I have to take the next train (which isn't until 7:21 am), I'll have to park my car in a dirt section of the lot - which wasn't even allowed last year before gas prices soared. I'm so irritated by this because my car will always be filthy (which, thanks to Bob and his car-related OCD that's rubbed off on me, is just not acceptable). Anyway, the 7:21 am train gets into Union Station downtown at 8:16 am however, from there I need to take a bus or a subway train to get close to my office and then from the bus or subway I have a short walk. I've taken the 7:21 am train in the past and it gets me into my office at around 8:40 or 8:45 am. Not good. This means I'll have to always work through my lunch and/or log back into work at night when I'm home because I have to leave the office by 4:30 pm in order to catch the 5:00 pm train so that I can pick Cooper up before daycare closes at 6:30 pm. The 5 pm train gets into town at 5:48 pm and it takes about 15 minutes to get out of the station parking lot, then another 10-12 minutes to get to the daycare center. So, obviously, there's no way I can take the next train (5:40 pm) as I would be WAY too late for Cooper.

I hate this. I have been mostly looking forward to returning to work so that Cooper and I would get into a set routine but I am quickly learning that this is going to be a flippin nightmare. I will never be able to stay at the office late unless Bob is home and can pick up Cooper and well that's just barely ever the case since he's away all the time. Poor Cooper will be in daycare for 12 hours a day! I don't know why I didn't realize this sooner but now that I do realize it, I'm totally besides myself and upset.

We can't afford for me not to work - it's not an option as long as we're living here, in this house. We can't sell the house because the market is so bad that our house value has dropped by $100k so now our mortgage is more than what the house is worth. Both of our salaries are needed to pay the mortgage.

I told Bob last night that this next 6 months is going to be a total test as far as I'm concerned. I just am having a hard time seeing how I can do either Cooper or my job justice based on what I've learned this week about how the scheduling of things will go. I want it to work, I really really do. I love where I work and what I do and I love the people. They are super flexible and there's wonderful opportunity there. But I have a new boss that trumps everything else - that's Cooper. I can't fail him - it's simply not an option. So, we'll see what happens but I told Bob that he needs to be flexible in his thinking too - particularly about where we need to be and what's most important now. I love it here. But there is no house, no city, no job, no salary, no anything that is more important than Cooper. I need to always remember that and be willing to do whatever it takes to always keep him #1, even if that means our lives will have to change in a major way, on many levels. I don't know exactly what that will translate to and I may not know for 6 months or more. But it weighs heavily on me, now more than ever.

Now, it's time for me to go vote for Obama - to help make this country a better place for Cooper. We have LOTS of propositions/measures to vote on here in CA and here is how I am voting today:

NO on Prop 1A which provides funding for high-speed passenger rail linking Sacramento, San Francisco, and southern CA cities. Such a project would take a decade or longer to complete (by then we'll probably be back east), would involve huge cost overruns, and frankly, it would take business away from the airlines -- HELLO, Bob is an airline pilot. ;)

YES on Prop 2 to improve conditions for confined animals on animal production farms in CA

YES on Prop 3 to fund improvements for childrens' hospitals

NO on Prop 4 which would require parental notification for teenagers to get an abortion - not all teenagers have the loving, trusting, and caring support of their parents, particularly during such a scary and stressful event as an unwanted pregnancy. Even teenagers have a right to privacy and I will do my part in ensuring that they have it here in CA.

YES on Prop 5 to fund and expand treatment programs for nonviolent drug offendors

YES on Prop 6 to require minimum level of funding for police and local law enforcement.

YES on Prop 7 to require all utilities to generate a minimum of 20% of their power from renewable energy by 2010

NO on Prop 8 (a proposition that would make gay marriage illegal in CA). It makes me so sick that anyone would want to eliminate equal rights for any group of people in this country.

YES on Prop 9 to require notification to crime victims and opportunity for them to provide input during all phases of the conviction and sentencing process.

YES on Prop 10 which provides funding to help consumers and businesses to purchase vehicles that use renewable energy and alternative fuel.

YES on Prop 11 which creates a commission to address redistricting and prevents the politicians from redefining districts to suit their own careers.

YES on Prop 12 which provides funding farm and home aid for CA veterans.

YES on Prop R which will synchronize traffic signals, repair potholes, extend light rail (commuter trains) with airport connections, improve traffic flow, keep senior/student fares low, provide clean fuel buses, and expand subway/metrolink/bus services.

YES on Prop SA which provides funding for our local high school district for repairs and renovations to classrooms, computer labs, technology, wiring, plumbing, heating, and improve safety by getting buildings up to current fire/seismic codes, and to add a new high school to relieve overcrowding of schools in our area.

NO on Prop S which requires the removal of, and compensation for such removal, salt-based water softening systems in our town. Years ago a law was enacted to prohibit installation of any new systems but did not require removal of existing ones. We do not feel that we should have to pay for other residents to be compensated for removing their systems. If they were to simply require the removal of such systems we would vote yes, but we are not willing to support compensation for such removal.

And, of course, for the presidential race, Bob and I are both voting for Obama/Biden. We'll be nervous wrecks between now and when the results are in. If McCain wins, we're thinking about moving to Vancouver. ;)

No matter who you plan to vote for - just be sure to vote; it's our responsibility as Americans.