You can't make this stuff up - my sitcom life

Last night and this morning were genuine sitcom material. Cooper and I slept in the family room again - mainly because the nebulizer machine and medicines are all down here and I don't want to haul it up and down the stairs morning and night when I don't have anyone here to help.

Cooper was on a 90 minute wake up and eat cycle all night (translation: I'm a zombie again today). Anyway, he'd wake up and cry and I'd pick him up out of the car seat (which is placed in the corner of the sectional couch with two ottomans pushed up against the open corner of the couch to form a sort of square bed that I would sleep on next to him), unwrap him from his swaddle, check his diaper and change it if needed, then feed him and set him back down in the seat to go to sleep. However, right now he's needy and wants to be held so he gets upset when I put him back down and I'm so exhausted I can't bear to take 20 minutes or longer to convince him he's fine there so I ended up holding him each time and of course both of us fell asleep while I held him. (big sigh)

Anyway, the first time I woke up while holding him I found he had wiggled his way from being vertical on me to being horizontal with his head slightly lower than the rest of his body. He was totally safe/securely in my arms still but the position he was in was NOT GOOD for his reflux problem so that scared me a bit. He woke up and I took him to the changing table to change his diaper and as I was putting the new diaper on him he gave me a huge smile and proceeded to spray diarrhea all over the fresh diaper which wasn't closed yet (thankfully he did NOT get me this time!). He thought this was so funny. I think this kid will have a twisted sense of humor.

Once he's done getting changed he was fed and we fell back asleep.

90 minutes later he woke up crying. I tried to give him a bottle and he refused it. So I stand up with him and pat his back, assuming he needs to burp and he pukes all over my shoulder. Not spit up - puke - rank smelling puke. He continued to cry so I just kept holding him, pacing around and talking to him til he calmed down.

So I'm standing in the kitchen holding him, getting a bottle warmed up (thinking he must be hungry NOW) when I hear the awful retching noise that usually precedes the cat throwing up. I look toward the noise (dining room) and see the cat ON the dining room table about to throw up on the table! I nearly dive into the room with Cooper in one arm and push the cat off the table and she tries to run back into the dining room/living room to puke on the carpet so I had to reach down and pick her up and put her in the kitchen where it'd be easier to clean up. I was so proud of myself for being able to save the carpet from another cat puke stain. Only, I turn back around and see that she had ALREADY puked on the dining room table and one of the fabric chairs.

So, puke on my shoulder, puke on the dining room table, puke on the dining room chair, and puke on the kitchen floor.

I managed to clean up the cat puke while holding Cooper and then I got a whiff of the puke on my shoulder and nearly puked myself! I didn't, but it was a close call.

I brought Cooper back to the family room, set him down in his swing, strapped him in, took off my shirt and before I could go grab another shirt to wear he started to scream. Not just cry - scream. I pick him up and rock him til he falls asleep and I sit down with him and fall asleep myself. I woke up freezing - of course b/c I'm sitting there shirtless!

Seriously, folks, it's a shame there wasn't a set of cameras throughout the first floor of our house because if there had been, it would have been a great video for YouTube and fodder for a sitcom story line about the first time mom, with a sick child, who hasn't really slept in months, and is at the point where even the most vile and frustrating situations make me laugh and cry at the same time.

Don't worry, these crazy moments - even when strung together into one big crappy night or day - aren't going to get the best of me. I will sleep eventually - even if it means that the folks on the train to the office get to see me drool for an hour each morning on my way to work. ;) Every time I look into Cooper's eyes and get a big-eyed, wide-mouthed smile and giggle back from him, it makes my heart melt and makes every bit of diarrhea and puke and sleeplessness worth it.