Waterworks - unexpected but not surprising

I want to start by saying that am so happy and grateful for the blessings we have received - that this baby is thriving and doing well, that my cervix if cooperating and I'm not having any dangerous signs/symptoms of preterm labor, that my employer is flexible and compassionate and allowing me to work from home/bed so that I won't go out of my mind while on bed rest for months. We have the love and support of family, friends, and neighbors. My dad is here, sacrificing his time/hobbies to be here for us. My neighbors check in with me frequently to see if I need anything and to offer meals and help. My mother-in-law sends me sweet cards and yesterday she sent us a baby robe and slippers for Baby Olsen. My mother sent my dad here with a suitcase filled with gorgeous baby clothes for Baby Olsen. Our doctors are taking great care of us, being proactive and compassionate about our situation and providing guidance and patiently answering our questions.

We are truly blessed and grateful for everything everyone is doing for us.

It's been 9 weeks already and its been smooth sailing - sure, lots of challenges and little annoyances - but nothing we couldn't/didn't quickly overcome and "grin and bear it".

Yesterday it really hit me how much I'm missing out on while I'm on bed rest. Some background -- Dr.S said "but, don't go crazy - I don't want you to drive yourself nuts" when referring to how I should keep doing what we're doing with regard to my bed rest restrictions. We laughed and explained what we're doing to keep me sane (i.e., I'm still working to help pass time) but he was concerned because he saw the look on my face when I asked if they'd give me some freedom back at 36 weeks. So, with permission to do so, we stopped at Starbucks so I could get a decaf latte. Instead of going across town to the drive-thru store we went to the one closest to the doc's office and I walked into the store to get it myself. This is the first time I've gone into any place other than a doctor's office/hospital in over 9 weeks.

The atmosphere was buzzing - I immediately noticed all the details - the smell of sweet treats and coffee, the diverse crowd of people lounging in the cushy chairs, standing around waiting for their drinks - and the bright and colorful products neatly stocked on the shelves. These are sights I used to see daily but it's been so long. It was refreshing to see the old familiar scene but overwhelming too. I remember at one point that I thought to myself "don't touch anything - germs" - that is so unlike me! But being confined has at least helped me avoid exposure to the flu and other things going around and suddenly the happy scene of Starbucks became a house of germs - maybe that was my subconscious way of making me view public places as not fun since I can't frequent them while on bed rest. Talk about cognitive dissonance!

As I stood waiting for my decaf latte I perused the bulletin board and there it was - a big beautiful flyer for an upcoming baby fair at the hospital where they'll have a tour of the facility, Q&A about their maternity policies/procedures, special gifts from vendors that will be there, information about courses, etc. It's on May 4th. Suddenly it hit me - not that I haven't known all along - but it really hit me that I'm missing out on some really important things - things I'll never be able to participate in as a pregnant woman - not this time, and not ever. And the tears started. I grabbed my decaf latte and headed out to the car and when I got in Bob looked at me as if I was such a weirdo to be so happy about a measly cup of coffee. LOL I laughed and didn't say anything about it.

Since then it has continued to sink in. I can't tour daycare centers - I have to register my child at 2 or 3 different centers (and pay a fee at each) to hold a spot for him to ensure I can return to work and yet have no idea what the centers look like or what their reputations are or anything - and this has to be done by mid-May. I have to choose important equipment - car seat, a bassinet, a bouncie chair, a baby carrier, a stroller, a monitor, bottles, etc...and have to do so without laying my hands or eyes on the real thing - I have to rely on advice from people I know with babies and pictures and information on the internet. I have to figure out a way to learn how to manage the pain of delivery without going to a birthing class.

While I continue to work (and everyone at work is so accommodating and considerate of my situation), it is frustrating that I'm missing out on training events and face-to-face meetings that I can't go to. In some cases I can phone in to meetings, but in other cases I can't. I miss my team and my other friends in the office. I get to talk to my team by phone and by instant messaging and email, but I don't get to have those brief social moments with others that I don't talk to regularly but would have ordinarily seen in the halls at the office.

So, the waterworks came on yesterday and this morning because its finally hitting me that I'm missing out on so much. The things that bother me the most are those that I will never get to experience because of my situation now and if I ever did decide to get pregnant again in the future the same situation would be required since my cervix isn't going to magically replace itself.

On a happy note - I reached 26 weeks today. ;)