Exhaustion, aches and pains, oh my!

After reading an online friend's blog today, someone who also spent 19 weeks on bed rest during her pregnancy, I was reminded of why I'm so incredibly exhausted and suffering from back pain and sore feet, among other things. I spent 5 months in bed, unable to exercise, unable to sit up or walk around. A person doesn't just suddenly go back to "normal" as soon as they're no longer on bed rest. I've been feeling like a failure for being so exhausted and frustrated by the sleep deprivation but I had forgotten, until now, that for me it's so much more than the normal new baby care related stress and exhaustion - it's also extreme physical exhaustion thanks to muscle mass loss and strength and stamina loss from all the time spent in bed.

I was so desperate for some "normalcy" and would hop in the car and have mom or Bob drive me to a store or somewhere and within 5-10 minutes of being on my feet I was hurting and searching for a place to sit down. I haven't been complaining or even verbalizing the pain I have been feeling because I was afraid to look weak, incapable or overly emotional - instead, I've been pushing forward and trying to do more and more and I don't think that has been the best approach because the more I do the more people expect me to do.

I haven't done more than I'm "allowed" to do when it comes to c/section recovery, but that doesn't matter since my situation has the added bonus of the history of 5 months of bed rest - so "normal" doesn't apply here. I need to keep remembering that and try to not be so hard on myself and be more open with others about how I'm feeling and why so that I won't be tempted or coaxed into doing more than I should be.

I can't wait to be able to start doing more without feeling this way. It's hard to carry around an extra 40 lbs of weight and have no idea how/when you'll be able to shed it because even the simplest of tasks are exhausting and causing back, neck and shoulder pain.

I think it's time to go get a massage.